To A New Beginning

Originally posted: February 20, 2010.


I have been counting days, nights, but it doesn’t seem to end. All the longing, the bitterness, the what-ifs and what-could-have-been’s can’t be easily dismissed. A year’s worth of whatever you may call that, isn’t easy to put to waste, and you’re not that easy to forget…

I’ve thrown myself into believing every deceit and lie you’ve brought, but it didn’t matter to me. Why? I don’t know. I’ve kept my hopes high, which I shouldn’t have. Then I realized that in our world, we don’t cling on false hopes, never expect too much and never let the cheap thrills of attraction cloud our judgments. I was gullible, but I wasn’t stupid.

You may have caused me pain, but it’s on me. Whatever it is I’ve put myself through, it’s on me. If you’ve decided to go your way, then it’s time for me to find my own. But I’ll never forget whatever it is we had, or if it meant anything to you. I know it wasn’t that big a deal for you, and likewise, I shouldn’t make a deal out of it.

I’m a work in progress, whatever it is I still have to go through, I’ll get there… in time. This is me letting go. Time heals, and forgives. It may not be now, but soon we’ll get there.

Had I known things will turn out that way, I shouldn’t have made myself vulnerable. I never should have told you things, and most of all, I never should have given you my trust. But this is a learning process for me. “We love, we get hurt, and we hurt others in return”.

Then again, I count for days and nights, pretending everything’s okay, as if you’re just a figment of my imagination that lingers me in solitude. I’m looking forward to the day that I’ll have to stop counting and reminiscing. When that day comes, that I find someone new, you’ll just be a part of yesterday, who never made it to my future…